in march we traveled, saw the family, welcomed friends, said goodbye to others, discovered new series and enjoyed plenty of sunsets. we cried, we laughed… and we changed.
the house is still not ready, which is annoying, but we’re finally making some progress on that front. we’ve adjusted our attitude towards the whole ordeal — and suddenly things seem a lot lighter. que sera, sera! :)
earlier last week, i was talking with A. about the surgery she was about to have in a couple of days. she was eager and excited for it, telling me how the days were stretching endlessly like chewing gum… how she planned to go to sleep early that day, just so that time moved a little faster.
and then, something happened during that surgery… and a couple days later, i got the news that she had died.
like a punch in the gut. one day she’s right there, we’re laughing, sharing train rides and exchanging letters, commenting on her new kitchen cupboards and the pile of books she wanted to read… and next thing i know this unexplainable void takes over, this acute absence of her. it doesn’t make sense.
the heartbreak crystalized the absurdity of the past few months — and how silly we’ve been, postponing our life and putting things on hold until we reach an arbitrary point in the future. what are we waiting for, exactly? we have a roof over our heads, clothes, health… let’s live, damn it!
the recipients were a mix of old and new friends, which gave it a nice twist — conversations were started, continued or kickstarted again by means of a random mail item. owed replies were sent, and people were cheered up, or thanked or remembered. it was fun, and it had the unintended benefit of giving me something else to think of during some trying time. i wish i had the stamina to keep it up the whole year! :)
small update just to say that we found a place! to be honest, it’s not at all what i had imagined it would be… but i think it’s growing on me slowly.
the backyard (!) is wild with overgrowth and the house eerily quiet and empty, our voices echoing on the walls and the tiled floor as we pace it, anxiously waiting for all the paperwork to come through.
there’s a terrace on the roof (!!), from where you can savor the expanse of blue sky all around and even catch a glimpse of the sea, glimmering in the distance… it’s perfect to bask in the sun and the knowledge that this is it, this white canvas of a house this will soon be our home for the foreseeable future. we’re almost done.
the sun warms our skin and it feels luxuriously novel… like a silent blessing. i hope to always remember this.