not much to say. everything still feels pointless, and the weeks rush past in a rinse-and-repeat cycle. too many conversations, the same dialogues, fears and concerns repeated ad nauseam. i’m tired. i’ve stopped all my on-going projects and don’t feel like learning, exercising, blogging, sending postcards or leaving the house. the parents are staying with us for a week, and i’m just glad they’re here to cook and distract me — we chat and watch cheesy soap operas together while waiting for better days to come.
spring. volunteering. movies. évora. catching up with friends. new soups. and the war.
same… same. the days blend into one another without anything standing out, nothing much to tell them apart.
the saharan dust turned the landscape into a mexican movie. i’ve returned to the pool to try to give my back some form of light exercise and ended up with a clogged ear. ariana grande’s “thank you, next” has been playing inside my head on repeat. the war drags on and because of it, we’ve speeded up the idea of replacing gas in the house with electrical stuff and solar panels — we got some quotes this week, but it feels like no one is in a rush to do anything… while we just want to get it done. we’ve been watching episodes of midnight dinner on netflix, and it’s just nice.
i don’t even know… the war broke out, and it feels like nothing else matters.
i’m exhausted, disappointed and sad, the kind of sadness that seeps into your bones and doesn’t leave, the kind that puts you constantly on the verge of tears with every paragraph you write. it’s hard to be the peacekeeper of a community when people feel hopeless and eager to direct their helplessness at easy targets. every so often, i run out of empathy, get angry, feel my heart rate go up. then i take a deep breath, lower my shoulders and keep going, because how can i stop, how can i complain, while there are people in bunkers fearing for their lives? my stress and tiredness feel insignificant, compared to their losses.
connecting the world feels sisyphian and pointless — and at the same time, more important than ever. so we keep going.
– we took a couple of days to explore évora, a place for which i have a soft spot that i can’t quite explain… it’s just nice. i enjoy walking up and down the cobbled streets in the town center, eating nice food (and sweets!) and just looking around the old facades, the churches and the roman ruins. speaking of ruins, we drove to the cromeleque de almendres, a nearby group of menhirs placed in a circle, from around 6000 ac. although not all stones are still around, it’s really impressive that so many of them are. what were our ancestors thinking?
– new birds! we checked out a couple of new spots on our way to évora and struck gold at the lagoa dos patos, where we saw a black stork and swamp hens (and later northern lapwings and corn buntings). the black stork has been a kind of “wishlist bird” for me, and when we rounded some trees and it flew away from us, i could barely speak in my excitement! :D we need to go back and check out the many duck species around there too, which are all still new to us.
– a friend’s baby turned 1 year old, and we had a little happy birthday singing on zoom, which was sweet. i hope we’ll soon be able to cover those cheeks and belly with kisses!
– inspired by a postcrossers’ post on the forum, i’ve tried my hand at making silly stitched postcards, and it was so much fun! with the pressure of making something perfect (or even good) completely off, i just went for it and laughed at the result. i had the perfect “polaroid-card” cover for it too, which made it look like proper art and added an extra layer of silliness to it. i see more of these in the horizon!